Getting Past Survivor

Because surviving was never meant to be the whole story

Sometimes becoming a survivor comes after big, obvious traumas.

Other times it’s the seemingly smaller experiences — being dismissed, embarrassed, bullied, or unheard — the kinds of moments that quietly wire our brains to live in survival mode.

That’s why I call this space Getting Past “Survivor.” It’s about living beyond those survival defaults — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn — and into the life you choose. A lifelong journey of letting go, rewiring the mind, and becoming someone you can finally rely on to treat you well.

Here you’ll find:

  • The Hidden Wounds — reflections on bullying, micro-traumas, parenting patterns, and the unspoken ways we learn to survive

  • The Brain & the Unconscious Mind — why it does what it does, how it protects us, and how we can rewire it

  • Tools for Change — practical strategies, NLP and hypnosis insights, and simple ways to move from survival to choice

  • Living & Healing Out Loud — personal stories of grief, growth, and the messy, beautiful process of becoming

If you feel like there’s something beyond the survival mode you’ve grown uncomfortably comfortable with — even if you can’t name it yet — you’re right. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.

💙 Helen

To read more about my story: The Reason for Getting Past Survivor

Listen on Spotify
Listen on Apple Podcast
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

How Survivors Are Still Being Silenced

Silence doesn’t protect survivors—it protects abusers and the systems that dismiss our pain. From families to social media, survivors are told to stay quiet. But every time one of us speaks, the shame cracks and the cycle weakens. Your story matters. Your voice is enough.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Silence Around Sibling Sexual Abuse

When people think of child sexual abuse, they often picture strangers or adults outside the family. What rarely gets talked about is the harm that happens at home — at the hands of siblings. This silence leaves many survivors confused, dismissed, or doubting their own experience. It’s time to change that.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Connections That Thrive

Want to strengthen your most important relationships? Discover how to nurture trust, build intimacy, and create bonds that truly thrive. Read more now!

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Love Starts with Self-Trust

Discover how true love starts with self-trust. Explore the role of trust and attachment in building relationships that last—beginning with trusting yourself first.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Detaching from Attachment

Explore how attachment, as vital as food and oxygen, shapes our lives and emotions. From early unhealthy connections to the deep, mutual bond of true love, the journey of detaching from attachment can lead to profound healing and self-discovery. This reflection delves into the balance between honoring meaningful relationships and maintaining one's sense of self after loss.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

A People Pleaser Reclaims Herself

For years, she carried the weight of others' expectations, always putting herself second. Raised in a home filled with guilt and shame, her need to please turned into perfectionism. But now, she’s letting go of those burdens and living for herself. Read her full story of transformation.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

NLP Presuppositions

Discover how the NLP (neurolinguistic programming) presuppositions can deepen your understanding of yourself and others, enhance communication, and improve relationships.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Downside of Speaking Goals

Discover the surprising downside of sharing your goals aloud in today's digital age. Uncover how the social reality effect can hinder your progress, leaving you feeling satisfied without taking meaningful steps forward. Learn practical strategies to navigate this phenomenon and stay focused on your aspirations. Read on for tips on selective sharing, action-oriented planning, and celebrating real milestones. Find the balance between external validation and internal drive. Dive into the full blog for insights and actionable advice.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Boost Your Self-Esteem: Transformative Tools for Positive Change

Explore the transformative journey of overcoming low self-esteem, guided by the concept of mindful debugging. Uncover the power of self-guided experiences through purposeful workbooks designed for personal growth. Discover tangible benefits and witness the transformative process that leads to a more empowered and resilient self and ultimately raise your self-esteem!

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Understanding Trauma: A Comprehensive Guide for Survivors and Their Loved Ones

The belief that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" doesn't always hold true for trauma survivors. Trauma can lead to behaviors like excessive accommodation, tolerance of negativity, emotional clutter, quick forgiveness, and difficulty asserting oneself. Loved ones should encourage survivors to express needs, set boundaries, and be patient. Survivors may also face challenges in speaking up, excessive sensitivity, trust issues, and navigating relationships. The path to healing involves understanding these changes, fostering open communication, and providing support for a balanced and fulfilling life.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Power of Words

Our words shape our brains. Expressions like "I feel depressed" reinforce negativity. Discussing problems offers temporary relief but often leads to frustration and limited change. Positive affirmations benefit those with high self-esteem but may worsen negative beliefs for those with low self-esteem due to confirmation bias. Understanding how our brains interpret language, including sensory experiences, is crucial for lasting change and personal growth.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

My Dad

As the strong, silent type and a devoted executive and family man, my dad dedicated himself to self-improvement and our family's well-being. He actively worked on his marriage and was a constant in our lives despite a demanding career. After his passing, I uncovered his deep-seated struggles through a letter about my childhood abuse. This revealed his inner conflict and regret for not protecting me more, shedding light on the complex emotional challenges men face in balancing societal strength with vulnerability. His journey deeply resonates with me, highlighting the intricate dance between masculinity and emotional openness.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Why Listening to CSA Survivors Matters More Than Ever

Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse (CSA) often feel silenced, dismissed, or disbelieved — even by those closest to them. In this heartfelt episode, I share why it’s so important to truly listen. Because silence doesn’t protect anyone — but empathy and belief can change everything.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

What Propels You?

This blog post explores two mindsets: "go-getter" (enthusiastic and goal-oriented - moving towards) and "avoider" (cautious and problem-focused - moving away from). Let’s talk about the importance of language patterns in shaping our reality and encourage a balanced communication style that considers both pursuing goals and addressing challenges.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Cost of Silence: CSA, Shame & the Power of Communication

Survivors of CSA often learn to suppress their voice before they even know they have one. In this honest and deeply personal reflection, I explore how silence shaped my early life—and how opening communication with my own children became the greatest healing of all.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Family Dinner

When my children were growing up, our dinner table was a special place. Each night, one of them would be the moderator, asking questions that brought us closer together. We shared the best and worst parts of our day, what made us laugh and cry, something we learned, and our favorite memory. These conversations created a bond that will forever be cherished.

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Opportunity of Chaos

Life is full of chaos. And that’s a bad thing, right? Or is it? Reframing what we perceive as negative into something that’s positive will shift your focus into finding the bright side of life!

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

The Map is Not the Territory

The map and territory are metaphors used to illustrate the difference between the actual world and our understanding of the world as we perceive it to be. The ‘map’ is our understanding of the ‘territory’ of reality, and we must be careful to remember that the map is not the territory! Let's talk about how distorted maps affect relationships so we can become more aware of how we're seeing the world. The more we understand our views, the more we can update our maps, the better we can relate to others and with ourselves!

Read More
Helen Brenner Helen Brenner

Woobies

The Power of the Woobie

We don’t really know the power of stuffed animals and blankets when we first give them to our babies, but as babies are developing they are developing attachment to the objects around them and these woobies become much more than objects to babies. They’re comfort within that last a lifetime.

Read More