Talking About CSA: 10 Beliefs That Keep Parents Silent — And Why That Has to Change
Child sexual abuse (CSA) is an uncomfortable topic that many parents avoid discussing with their children.
I understand why — I’m a survivor.
And I also understand because I’ve spent over two decades in the mental health field:
I hold a BS in Psychology and an MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, with a specialization in trauma and crisis counseling
I’m a trauma-informed coach
I’ve facilitated support and healing groups for survivors for over 20 years
I have been serving as an administrator of a CSA adult survivor support Facebook group for the past 10 years
What I’ve seen — both in research and in practice — is clear:
Silence doesn’t protect children. But conversation can.
Given the alarming statistics, it is critical that we bring these conversations out of the shadows.
10 Beliefs That Stop Parents from Talking About CSA
And the truths that challenge them:
1. “Children are seldom victims of CSA.”
Actually, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys experience CSA before age 18.
These statistics should serve as a wake-up call — not a whisper.
2. “This doesn’t happen where we live.”
Actually, CSA has no geographic, social, or economic boundaries.
It happens in every zip code, school, and community.
3. “We don’t let our children go near strangers.”
Actually, 93% of CSA is committed by someone the child and family knows and trusts.
Focusing only on “stranger danger” does a dangerous disservice.
4. “My child is not old enough for this discussion.”
Actually, age 3 is an appropriate time to start — using age-appropriate language and concepts.
Early conversations create lifelong safety.
5. “I don’t want to scare my child.”
Actually, when handled calmly and clearly, children feel empowered, not afraid.
6. “I would know if something happened to my child.”
Actually, CSA often leaves no physical signs.
Children may appear “fine” while carrying confusion, fear, or shame inside.
7. “My child would tell me if something happened.”
Actually, most children don’t disclose right away — if ever — due to secrecy, shame, or fear of consequences.
8. “We never leave our child alone with adults.”
Actually, CSA can occur between children, too.
Teaching boundaries and body safety is essential, regardless of who they’re with.
9. “I don’t want to put thoughts in her head.”
Actually, there is no evidence that talking about CSA leads to false reports.
Knowledge gives language, not fantasy.
10. “It won’t happen to my child.”
Actually, the statistics suggest otherwise.
No child is immune — but every child deserves protection.
What You Can Do to Protect and Empower
The benefits of early, age-appropriate education around body safety and consent are enormous.
It gives children language to describe discomfort
It helps prevent CSA through awareness
It begins to undo the silence and shame that so many adult survivors still carry
It helps normalize bodily autonomy and the right to say “no”
You can start as early as age 3:
Teach proper names for body parts
Reinforce that their body belongs to them
Let them know they can always tell you if someone makes them uncomfortable
As they grow:
Keep the conversation open and ongoing
Let them know that if CSA ever occurs, it is never their fault
Teach them that speaking up is how abuse ends
Just like we teach street safety, we can — and must — teach body safety.
Silence protects only abusers.
Conversation protects children.
Ready to Talk?
If you are a survivor of CSA and struggling in your healing,
If your child has been harmed and you don’t know where to begin,
Or if you simply want to understand how to advocate and protect...
I invite you to reach out — for coaching or just to talk.
You don’t have to navigate this alone.
